Thoughts.....

So I wonder sometimes about this life. I got may hair cut today and I stood in front of the mirror when I got home and stared, for.... a while. The thought that came to me while doing this was, "Is this me?" I genuinely questioned the style of my hair to my identity. Is this hair cut in a response to who I am or a step towards who I want to be?

One of my friends the other day (who happens to be a guy) told me that I didn't have style until I started hanging out with him and his friends, who are now my friends. Did I really not have style or did I not have their style?

Finally, last week my parents found out about my nose piercing..... lets just say that they flipped. I did not get the piercing out of rebellion, or demise, I got it because I wanted it, had the money, and didn't think of it as a big deal. Well to my parents it was quite a BIG deal. In order to show them that it wasn't a big deal I immediately took it out, I figure if I were to put up a fight it made it a big deal. I did what they wanted not because they wanted me to but because I wanted to prove my point. I'm not sure if they understand that but that was my intent. And from all of this hullabaloo and rubbish I come to ask, do I even get to make any decisions in my own life? And if so, When?

Fractured?

I have recently been thinking of the world in which we live in. A world in that in the past ten years more emphasis has been made on “going green” and social media than on a whole lot else. I will admit that I am not the most technologically gifted person, when it comes to computers or gadgets I either break them or they break on me. But, I do want to look and maybe question the way some of these technologies have impacted our culture and society.

During a car ride home I listened to a podcast that brought up an idea that I haven’t been able to get out of my head. It is the idea of being a part of a fractured culture. In a world that is obsessed with letting everyone know what they are doing at every moment it’s hard to think that we are really just fragmented pieces desiring connection. Social networking sites have done a great job at doing both of these things- connecting us and fragmenting us. We create this profile based of some perception of ourselves with a little truth and a little lie. Sites like Facebook allow us to have easy connection with people that we would otherwise not while adding people that we maybe have met once. On top of our desire to connect with people, when we are on Facebook it’s usually an act done in solitude. We are completely fragmented. The goal of social networking fails us in some way.

The podcast that I was listening to also related the idea of fragmentation to music. In the local Birmingham music scene there are several different styles of music and preferred venues to catch these at. In one week you can see popular indie bands like Local Natives at Workplay, small folk locals at Moonlight café, or electronic pop indie stars Casio Kids at Bottle tree. We all have our preferences and thanks to YouTube, Last.FM, Jukesy, and Pandora we are able to have complete access to the specific style of music we most enjoy. Sites like Jukesy take songs that trend from YouTube and Last.FM and place them in genres. From their listings you get random playlists in which you are able to save and replay. This music revolves around your personal choice and likes. So what exactly does this mean? Well, it means those artists who are relatively unknown now become known, but only on a small scale. So we have these small groups of semi popular artists unlike ten years ago when pop charts were claimed by three or four major players. Yes, today’s charts are claimed by Lady GaGa and Ke$ha, but then there is Adele, Mumford and Sons, and Florence & the Machines who have found their way up the charts well after their first album release. Before these climbs up the charts these artist were loved by small groups of music lovers and coffee houses and sound stages around the U.S. We have created fragmentations.

I am not saying that this fragmentation is a bad thing. What I am saying is that with the social network up rise we are striving to be connected while doing a pretty good job of separating ourselves from others.

This is my Spirit

There is a picture that I see,
When calling out to thee,
Its me.

With white flowers dancing,
My hearts daring and chancing,
Running free your face painted so vividly,

You cover me with your glory,
Embracing me just holding,

We talk all day long,
Maybe even singing some songs,

You whisper in my ear,
Darling I am always here to hear,

You help me down from your lap,
Sending me off in hopes one day I will come back,

I softly walk away,
With expectations to return one day,

My job today is the same,
Since the coming of His name,

Love is the task,
Not covered with fancy masks,

I will show all the nations,
Great love through His creations,

And one day when I'm old and gray,
On my knees I will bow and pray,

I will then be reminded,
Of the flowers and not be blinded,

Returning home like I once said,
To a shoulder where I can rest my head,

It will be the same picture that I will see,
When my Father calls out for me.

-Sarah Cole

Summer is coming to an end!

Okay, so my summer is coming to an end, and this means packing. For those of you who know me you know that I am notorious for making messes. Well, I have been home for about 1.5 weeks and a mess I've made. The only hard thing is, is that I leave tomorrow to go back to Alabama. This meas packing. I am so excited to get back but not about cleaning this mess. I know that once I start doing it it will be fine. I just can't make myself actually do any of the work. Plus I have an exchange student living in my room this next year. That means that I have to clean every part of my room... even the stuff that normally stays in the draws. Grrrrr! The thing is, is that I know as soon as I start working it will be and go fast.

So other than cleaning my room I'm kind of stressed about getting a job. I really need to have a job and stop asking the parents for money. I'm almost 20 yrs old. So I have applied to several different locations but nothing is looking amazing. This is part of the reason why I am leaving 2 weeks before school actually starts. I just want to get a job and start working.

I also have spent little to no time practicing my instrument.... which is not a good thing. So I have to hop on that before I just completely suck.

Its been weird being so busy all summer then coming home and not having anything to do or any one to see. Its been interesting... not bad, just different. I have enjoyed having my days to myself and spending time with my parents. I really just want to get back to Birmingham and moving on with things.

I do really miss all my CK friends! Its been nice having sometime by myself but I wish I could see them. I mean I will get to see several of them in the next couple of weeks, which is quite exciting.

I just have so much to do but am not quite motivated to do it today. Its nothing particular, I just don't feel so up to working. All well.... here goes!

SEC

yaya laundry washing!!!

So I am sitting here washing clothes. Its bee a great day though!!! God has opened a lot if doors for me to share with several girls tonight. I have really enjoyed meeting all of them! God is so good.

I have also been thinking about loneliness. Its an interesting thing I have decided. Its like I can be around soooo many people all day long but when I have to sit here by myself washing clothes I remember how alone I really am. Its not like a depressing thing at all.... its just me thinking about the reason we are made for. And I believe that reason is for relationships.

Relationships are exactly what God wants form us. Its what we as people yearn for. I believe that a basic necessity for life is company. We need each other. I guess I really never thought too much about it, but it is completely true. We need other people.

I was just thinking about what I really would desire in a relationship, and here is what I came up with.
1) I want some one to be around who equally wants to be around me. I want that person to have a desire to be around me and just sit and talk to me.
2) I believe what my heart really wants is that person for the rest of my life. Yea like a husband. I really want that... I mean not like immediately but yea I truly believe that what my heart wants most now is to be satisfied forever.
3) I want this person to know me

I feel like that has been the hardest part of this all...."It's not about you" is what is said to us all the time. That is so true, so no matter how many people you are around though its not the same satisfaction of being around one person who knows you and you know them.

I believe also that as a girl we seek that out. Not having time to talk to anyone else even my parents has made that really hard. I think that I desire it so bad right now because I am not getting any attention from anyone and all I am doing is pouring myself out!

Again I am not desperately lonely. Its just a new kind of lonely.

Thanks for listening!

Sarah

Campbell Week for Ck-1

So we are here at Campbell University. It is now down pooring and lightning kind of bad. I really hope that this week goes well. It has gotten off to a good start, but it has been hard to transition into this new location.

I am not feeling so hot right now. I think that I am getting sick. I have some sinus issues and I am not liking it. I really hope that I get over it soon. I am also really excited because tomorrow I will see my dad. I am so happy!!!

Things have been hard recently. I am tired and starting to get comfortable. I really do not want this to just become another thing. I really want to stay focused on the reason I am here, which is the kids. Its hard when you never get to talk to anyone over the age of 12. It just takes a lot of strength to get through a day. Its hard when you also don't have time to call anyone. I would love to talk to my mom and family but its difficult.

We hare officially half way done with this summer, which is exciting but also a little hard/ sad. I really have enjoyed all of this summer so far and wish everyone would be able to have this opportunity.

Today for the first time I did housing assignments for all the churches... at points it got a little stressful, but of course I took care of it :)

Lets see... my worship band has been doing really well the past several weeks and I really have enjoyed teaching it.

My church group this past week was really great. They are from right near my home, so that is nice.

Keep in contact with me some how.... sorry I might not be able to do the same back!!

Love you all!!

Sarah

1/3 of the way!

WOW!!! It has been a long time since I have blogged and it has been a long week! A camp ended today and a camp begins here today. We are at Ridgecrest right now. A new group of kiddos come in tonight. I am excited. I really like having the kids. Although right now a break would be nice.

I feel like so much has happened I am not sure where to start. I guess I will start with us leaving Lee University.

We left Lee last Friday and drove here to Ridgecrest. Then Saturday we unloaded everything and got ready to start camp on Sunday. We started and have been non stop busy. The ride was a good one. I really enjoyed being on the van and not having to drive. I slept in the back. I missed most of the trip cause I was exhausted. It was such a beautiful ride though. Through the mountains and everything. The landscape was great. I really like the van rides too because it is time for us as a team to hang out and get to know each other better.

I did a lot of production set up this week for camp. We are assigned a crew from the beginning and my crew is the store, but that went rather fast so I helped a lot with lighting. I really enjoyed getting to set up the equipment that I was using. Although I am not sure if I will be doing lights anymore. We are rotating, which will be good cause I really would like to sit in with the kids.

Here at Ridgecrest I am rooming with Bethany and Kristin. Kristin has been sick so we let her have her own bed. She went to this doctor who did nothing for here but talk to her about how he was in the army or something like that. Idk. Anyways she's starting to feel better, although she did keep coughing last night. I feel bad. It is a tough job to be sick doing.

Hmmm.... My kiddos this week were fabulous. It was interesting group. I really didn't have any kids who were completely ignorant of Jesus and salvation, so idk I kind of felt more relaxed about things and bible study. They were not the most athletic bunch either, so rec was interesting. I love rec, it is probably one of my fav things about camp but its hard when the kids aren't into it. Some weeks the kids love it and other weeks they just don't care.

My worship band group this week were good. I really enjoyed what we did. We have three groups of kids the boom boom, tank tank, and the ting tings. These are catigorized by the sound their percussion instrument makes. We did a "we will rock you" beat and three kids rapped, it was really cute. Im not sure though if that is really what should happen. I feel like the kids love banging on things and the percussion part. Its just hard to add in the worship part. Idk, I'm going to talk to Andy about it, see what he has to say about it.

Im really tired though. Its just long days and nights. My home church is here this week with Fuge camps so it was nice to see them and get some stuff from home!! :)

I really love my team. I think that in the start of the week we struggled a little with the focus being on us and not completely on the kids. It was hard after spending so much time traveling together. Things got better though towards the end.

Well, I love all you guys!! I hope all is going well with you and I am praying for you!

Sarah